Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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