Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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