all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
