there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
