I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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