apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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