I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize