I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
