And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
try to milk me bitch
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
