Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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