you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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