well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize