You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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