You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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