so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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