I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize