He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
