they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
