the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
