I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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