Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
