scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
