I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize