I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
