I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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