You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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