i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
where are you?
Hypothermia
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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