So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
