Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
