she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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