Only a mothe r could love this liver
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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