I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
