I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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