she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
