dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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