My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
