i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
