dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
