hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
