okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
