i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im holly from the hills drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
