Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
