i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
