Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
