Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
why do cheetos always look like penises
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
