I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
