On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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