You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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