im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
