i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
