He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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