i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
