Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Randomize
