He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
