Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
