We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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