My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A+ Viking dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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