All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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