i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
