Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Everclear isn't food dammit
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize