dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
