Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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