Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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