it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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