Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
