apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
