i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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