You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize