I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
